The only women I publicly date are those who have a higher IMDB rating than me.

I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people.

I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.

I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.

It's all about being a part of something in the community, socializing with people who share interests and coming together to help improve the world we live in.

In New York, we tip everyone. We tip doormen, we tip cab drivers, and we tip bartenders at the bar. You'll get quite an evil eye if you don't leave a tip at the bar.

I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don't like Arabs.

The best way to travel abroad is to live with the locals.

I don't mind it if blacks want equal rights, as long as they mean rights equal to a dog

It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.

Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose stops, in my opinion.

I read a book one day and my whole life was changed.

My lips are kissing your heart every moment of our lives.

It takes a year to be collectively known as "intelligent" but it takes a lifetime to be distinguished as "wise

America is a nation with no truly national city, no Paris, no Rome, no London, no city which is at once the social center, the political capital, and the financial hub.

Who ya gonna call?" "Ghostbusters!" "That phrase is ruined forever.

Prayer is an attitude of the heart.

When it comes to understanding others, we rarely tax our imaginations.

I am pleased to be praised by a man so praised as you, father. [Words used by Hector.] [Lat., Laetus sum Laudari me abs te, pater, laudato viro.]

By nature I will find hope in everything. Even if it's the most incredibly hopeless situation or circumstance. That's just me... I'll never be able to see things any other way.

Education is no longer thought of as a preparation for adult life, but as a continuing process of growth and development from birth until death.