The only women who don't believe that sexual harassment is a real problem in this country are women who have never been in the workplace.

Dogs are us, only innocent.

If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead already?

There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth.

Dogs act exactly the way we would act if we had no shame.

Infidelity is such a pretty word, so light and delicate. Whereas the act itself is dark and thick with guilt, betrayal, confusion, pain, and (okay) sometimes enormous pleasure.

Never judge someone by who he's in love with; judge him by his friends. People fall in love with the most appalling people.

A person who uses party as a verb is a person who will walk into a shop and walk out wearing a rubber jumpsuit.

Friends are the twenty-first-century version of extended families.

we know that our world is corrupt and diseased but we're tired of being cynical and feeling helpless. What the hell, tilt at a windmill.

Show me a woman who is prouder of her clean kitchen than of her collection of lingerie and I'll show you a woman with enlarged pores.

...I had always believed prayer ought to be conducted on our feet rather than on our knees, since God seems in all other departments of life to require us to stand upright and account for ourselves.

Your mind is your spirit

Are you sure you want to go out with someone with that kind of history? ...He could have a psychotic break. I read that people get those when they're twenty-eight.

My disease is one of the best things that has happened to me it has pulled me out of a quietly desperate life toward one full of love and hope.

The greatest knowledge a person can possess is the address of the local library.

Accurate knowledge is the basis of correct opinions; the want of it makes the opinions of most people of little value.

We are all differently broken, semi-functional, rusted out love machines

The thing with Disney songs is they're very manipulative, very sentimental, but they do get you, you know - there's a kind of sadness to them and that kind of music doesn't really exist any more.

To understand the intensity of driving an F1 car, you have to be in it.

You do not really wish to hear more of the Battle of Kadesh. Let me say only that human fat, gorged in considerable quantity, has an intoxicating effect. I became ... drunk.