The other day I saw a guy with a sign that said, WHERE WILL YOU SPEND ETERNITY? Which freaked me out because I was on my way to the Department of Motor Vehicles.

I was high on life but eventually I built up a tolerance.

I'm not even worried about settling down. I think it's way too early. I'm 25 and I'm in show business. I mean, if things go well, my wife hasn't even been born yet.

I believe that if you go on a date and get to second base and then you go home alone and rub one out, that's like runs batted in.

I just got a new iPod. It's got 80 gigabytes. Because I like to jog for three weeks at a time and I do not want to hear the same song twice.

I deserve someone who likes me for who I am pretending to be.

I'm in love with a philosophy major, and she doesn't even know I exist. And what's worse, she can prove it.

A woman is a highly developed, deeply intelligent, infinitely complicated being. And it needs to be carefully tricked into doing things.

I quit because I'm so tired of hearing bad news about cigarettes... Even if they discover good news, they don't publicize it - like the fact that smoking seriously reduces the risk of jogging.

I'm trying to feel terrified and alone. And regret every decision I've ever made, drenched in a cold sweat. It's called going to sleep. Maybe you've heard of it.

I hate all generalisations.

Your destiny desperately needs your consistent presence and strategic effective actions. Therefore, it's time for you to courageously show up, go all out, and embrace its reality.

The fact that the Prophet cared for every human being and tried his best to ensure their security in the hereafter must be the most telling of his compassionate and merciful characteristics.

For my part, if I had the power I would insist on all oratorios being sung in the costume of the period - with a possible exception in the case of the Creation.

As a kid, chess was the first thing I studied in a structured way that helped me gain the discipline to study medicine and become successful doctor.

I much prefer whining to counting my blessings.

Alcohol postpones anxiety, then multiplies it.

The dominant type of humor in the '60s was essentially defensive and self-deprecating, using humor as a shield.

In victory, the hero seeks the glory, not the prey.

Don't be afraid to lose. Listen. And always invest in yourself.

From his neck down a man is worth a couple of dollars a day, from his neck up he is worth anything that his brain can produce.