The other day a dog peed on me. A bad sign.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

In life things often go wrong, and the future rarely happens the way you think it will.

Silence itself could be used as deftly and cruelly as a kire

if people weren't sinners, every intelligence network would be out of business

Natural talent only determines the limits of your athletic potential. It's dedication and a willingness to discipline your life that makes you great.

She looked as though butter wouldn't melt in her mouth - or anywhere else.

Many souls thrive on the life force of others and you are lunch!

I'm a big fan of simplicity, especially with songs and I try not to make them complicated. I just make them simple and let people absorb that message themselves. That's my theory.

I've never had my hair cut by anybody, I do it all myself.

As long as you care as much as I care, you can't be ashamed of anything.

If suffering brought wisdom, the dentist's office would be full of luminous ideas.