The other day a woman came up to me and said, Didn't I see you on television? I said, I don't know. You can't see out the other way.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.

My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.

I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.

I've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they'll panic and give in.

People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'

No matter what the competition is I try to find a goal that day and better that goal.

I come from a place where everything about me, even my body language, is saying: I mean you no harm. I smile, I laugh. Basic stuff for most people.

Chaos is the penance for leisure.

You're ready. Start making stuff.

Success is a process that never ends.

I gave my girlfriend something she didn't expect for Valentine's day... Chlamydia.

Translation presents not merely a paradigm but the utmost case of engaged literary interpretation

People heal from their pain when they have an authentic connection with another human being.

The old laws of England they Whose reverend heads with age are gray, Children of a wiser day; And whose solemn voice must be Thine own echo Liberty!

Through true love, you touch inner completeness.