The other man's arse is always cleaner!

You don't need a Harvard MBA to know that the bedroom and the boardroom are just two sides of the same ballgame.

You are who you are when nobody's watching.

As I say I don't want to kill myself, I just wouldn't mind dying.

Estate agents: like them or loathe them, you'd be mad not to loathe them.

The only reason people do not know much is because they do not care to know. They are incurious. Incuriousity is the oddest and most foolish failing there is.

People who can change and change again are so much more reliable and happier than those who can’t

Love in all eight tones and all five semitones of the word's full octave.

Wine can be a better teacher than ink, and banter is often better than books

Nothing in this world is at it seems. Except, possibly, porridge.

All the big words -virtue, justice, truth, ...- are dwarfed by the greatness of kindness

A girl should be two things: who and what she wants.

An economic system which can only expand or expire must be false to all that is human.

Keep trying, especially at first. It can be very discouraging if your submissions keep being rejected by a publisher, but if your work is what people want to read, you should get there eventually!

Creating great content that educates and informs is always the best marketing strategy.

Just like every kid who comes into show business on some level, I used to put shows on in my basement. I even started with doing tricks and having a ventriloquist dummy.

Write to exhaustion so that you can no longer manage to avoid writing the truth.

Some readers tell me, 'We always treated our maid like she was a member of the family.' You know, that's interesting, but I wonder what your maid's perspective was on that.

He has every attribute of a dog except loyalty.

When I arrived at the point where I received public acclaim, I felt the most lowly, because I knew within myself that I had but begun to tap my inner resources.