The people of Halifax also invented the harmonium, a device for castrating pigs during Sunday service.

If forced to travel on an airplane, try and get in the cabin with the Captain, so you can keep an eye on him and nudge him if he falls asleep or point out any mountains looming up ahead.

America was discovered by Amerigo Vespucci and was named after him, until people got tired of living in a place called "Vespuccia" and changed its name to "America"

If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house.

Invite them all in. Nip out the back door. Phone the police and tell them your house is being burgled.

When the Ngdanga tribe of West Africa hold their moon love ceremonies, the men of the tribe bang their heads on sacred trees until they get a nose bleed, which usually cures them of that.

The ones who love you would never judge you, but those who would, obviously don't love you. So why worry about what people think and say about you?

Dulness! whose good old cause I yet defend, With whom my muse began, with who shall end.

When a man asks himself what is meant by action he proves he isn't a man of action.

It is my time. The time of maximum ride.

Great, they give blind kids guns," I said, trying to lessen his horror. "I don't even let Iggy have a gun. Usually.

Just about every error has a technical and psychological component: get good at discovering those connections

The problem, as I see it, is that you've been told and not told. You've been told, but none of you really understand, and I dare say, some people are quite happy to leave it that way.

The fidelity of a dog is a precious gift.

At my age, I know myself. If I make a project, it's a way to help me. I don't do it for therapeutic reasons, but I know that the therapy can be a side profit.

No-one wants acorns, but everyone wants oaks.