The people we've known the longest are often the people we know the least.

We all hold the keys to our own jail cells.

Solomon's Laws 1. When the law doesn't work...work the law.

Solomon's Laws: 8. If a guy who's smart, handsome, and rich invites you and your girlfriend to a nudist club...chances are he's got a giant shmeckel.

I've never been disbarred, committed or convicted of moral turpitude, and the only time I was arrested, it was a case of mistaken identity...I didn't know the guy I hit was a cop.

What you are is God's gift to you, what you become is your gift to God.

Death leaves cans of shaving cream half-used.

Humans seek connection above all else, and we are willing to destroy things to attain it.

O, wad some Power the giftie gie usTo see oursels as others see us!It wad frae monie a blunder free us, An' foolish notion.

Don't think of it as wrinkles. Think of ot as relaxed-fit skin.

Big can be beautiful - just not to me. I find you disgusting; freshmen 15 is not a life sentence.

I'm on a health kick! I'm drawn to cheeseburgers, so I've got to just try and keep it on an even keel.

I don't really drink, and I've never been to a rave. I used to cut school to read Shakespeare, not to make out in the park.

The rich are always afraid.

Ridiculous modes, invented by ignorance, and adopted by folly.