The people who are the worst at news, who kind of engage in what I call the World Wrestling of news, have kind of set the bar for where news is.

I used to think I was a little unstable, and then I met every girl I've ever dated.

Saturday night is perfect for writers because other people have "plans.

What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.

The key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.

Falling in love is a completely transcendent experience. It's like eating pizza-flavored ice cream

Dopamine is a chemical released in your brain and your body when you sleep that paralyzes your body so you don't act out your dreams.

The one thing you're most reluctant to tell. That's where the comedy is.

I love pizza so much, I would marry pizza, but it would just be an elaborate ploy to eat her whole family at the reception.

Creepy people do the things that decent people want to do, but have decided are not a great idea.

It was a hard name having growing up as a child. Some kids would call me names like "Birbiglebug" and "Birbibliography" and "Faggot". Some were more clever than others.

You were unsure which pain is worse -- the shock of what happened or the ache for what never will.

Bear your pain or it will come back

Asthmatic spewer of filth gasps, but clean air does not sufficeTo fuel fires fueled by thoughts got rottenLest we all be forgotten thingsThat sit like dust upon the mantel of her mind

The Soul's secrets from within - help unlock the secrets of all that exists, without.

Before you can steal fire from the Gods you gotta be able to get coffee for the director.

Only the destructive forces know death as lord. Only spiritual forces know life as the Lord. Know ye the Lord!

I noticed a lot of guitar players neglected the rhythm part of rhythm guitar and decided I would try to focus in that.

Nature is reminding us that it used to exist without human beings.

Man's life comes from God: it is his image and imprint, as sharing in his breath of life. God therefore is the sole Lord of this life: Man cannot do with it as he wills.

Political history is far too criminal to be a fit subject of study for the young. Children should acquire their heroes and villians from fiction.