The plumber he says, never flush a tampon. This is great information, cost me half a weeks pay.

A mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work if it is not open.

The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons and 85% morons.

There are only two things to remember. Number one...Don't Stop, and number two...Keep Going!

The most important thing to do in your life is to not interfere with somebody else's life.

Power will be maintained by the groovy guy or gal who gets the most media coverage for his sleaze. Naturally, his friends in various businesses will do okay, too.

Republicans stand for raw, unbridled evil and greed and ignorance smothered in balloons and ribbons.

Without deviation from the norm, progress is not possible.

Republican is fine, if your a millionaire. Democrats is fair, if all you own is what you wear. Neither of them's really right, cause neither of them care.

It gets harder the more you know. Because the more you find out the uglier everything seems.

The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.

Arrogance on the part of the meritorious is even more offensive to us than the arrogance of those without merit: for merit itself is offensive.

Any fool can tell a story. Take a few odds and ends of things that happen to you, dress them up, shuffle them about, add a dash of excitement, a little color, and there you have it.

I would say that jazz is my own language.

In displaying the psychology of your characters, minute particulars are essential. God save us from vague generalizations!

Lately I've been struck with how I really love what you can't see in a photograph. An actual physical darkness. And it's very thrilling for me to see darkness again.

Whoever said life without love isn't worth living didn't own an iPhone. These things are great.

What can God do for a liar who refuses to repent? Can the Lord save him? He can’t claim salvation. Baptizing him in water will not settle the trouble, unless you keep him under.

Language buries, but does not resurrect.

India happens to be a rich country inhabited by very poor people.

Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, good liberals both, pursued power by offering their candidacies as opportunities for Americans to document their innocence of the nation's past.