The police pulled me over and asked me if I have anything illegal in my car. I looked at my cousin and I ran.

We have chemical weapons in America too, they're called meth and cocaine.

You write some material, go up on stage and try it out; go back home and throw it in the trash can. And the next day do it again.

I better start doing stand up comedy in Spanish before every comedian in Mexico translates my jokes.

I gotta lose weight. I got stretch marks on my stomach and I never had a baby. So now when I take off my shirt in front of women, I tell them I was attacked by a mountain lion.

Rich people bring a lawyer. Latinos and blacks bring their mom.

I like to watch French movies with the volume up so my neighbors could think I'm terrorist.

My mom cooked the same food every day - tortillas, beans and meat. If it was enchiladas, it was - tortillas, beans and meat. If it was burritos, it was still - tortillas, beans and meat.

The war in Iraq is still going on. The British are helping. Mexico wants to help, but they need a ride over there.

I envy people who could just have one drink and not go look for cocaine afterwards.

A real woman needs quotes by dead men to get through the day.

Why settle for a lesser vision? When you are destiny for greatness!

Nothing’s boring if it’s in your soul…

Rock 'n' roll is ridiculous. It's absurd. In the past, U2 was trying to duck that. Now we're wrapping our arms around it and giving it a great big kiss.

If we suspend judgment and look to how we can make conscious choices to uplift the situation, we can be sure that we are doing all we can to attract a happier and more harmonious outcome.

You may drive out nature with a pitchfork, yet she'll be constantly running back.

Science is a collection of successful recipes.

I think Donald Trump needs to be judged on his own words and his own behavior and the American voter is getting ample evidence on which they can make that judgment.

Only the Holy Spirit can comfort a person in the depths of grief.

I see the canvas and I begin... It's a necessary evil to get into the work, and it's pretty marvelous to be able to get out of it.