The political process consists entirely of politicians talking out of their butts.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

Even a blind man could see she is beautiful.

Without any reason or expectation, love someone today and feel the joy of life.

A decision made during a moment of weakness can ruin your life.        To date, I had made three.

When the author admits to Christians that he was not a Christian himself, he says their dialogue became "distant and rehearsed, like a pitch for Ginsu knives.

The only unhappiness is a life of boredom.

An optimist is a fellow who believes a housefly is looking for a way to get out.

Jazz is the music of the body.

Time is an abstraction which, on earth, exists only for the human brain it has evolved.

I also feel that the only thing more gratifying than working with someone who you've worked well with is working with someone new and coming up with something great.

Don Juan tries not to see the skeptical winks that greet his boasting.