The prison scandal is really hurting President Bush's poll numbers. In fact, I hear he's already working on his concession smirk.

A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn't answer the phone.

Strange medical news from Pakistan: A man had a successful organ transplant with a dog. They gave the man a dog's organ. In a related story today, Keith Richards was seen chasing a mailman.

Did you see the statue topple? Bill Clinton got nostalgic seeing something that big in a beret go down.

Democrats were quick to point out that President Bush's budget creates a 1 trillion dollar deficit. The White House quickly responded with 'Hey, look over there, it's Saddam Hussein.'

I enjoyed retirement the right way linguine con vongole, red wine and plenty of truffle cheese.

John Kerry will be the Democratic nominee for president. Democrats finally found someone who is Al Gore without the flash and the sizzle.

The big political news, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he's running for governor of California, and already, people are chanting, 'Four more vowels, four more vowels.

New rumors that Saddam Hussein is planning to flee to a castle in Libya with 10 billion dollars. Now President Bush doesn't know whether to nuke him or give him a tax cut.

President Bush spent last night calling world leaders to support the war with Iraq and it is sad when the most powerful man on earth is yelling, 'I know you're there, pick up, pick up.

Or as hockey player Sergei Fedorov knows it, 'The day I can legally start telling everyone I am sleeping with Anna Kournikova.'

The scientist is more religious than the poet because his beliefs rests in faith for a reality that is intangible.

Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.

My mother's career was over at 40 but she was still trying to be everyone's buddy, always smiling for the cameras.

Wisdom corresponds to the future; it is philosophy.

Ideas get substance and value not by being discussed but by being lived.

We live in a world of what have you done for me lately. We don't remember the day before sometimes. Think back five, six, years ago what he was doing. It's unheard of.

In teaching, you do not want to COVER things, you want to UNCOVER them. The best way to get good ideas is to have lots of ideas.

The beautiful simplicity of our faith is that it distills down to the exact same bottom line for both the brilliant theologian and the five-year-old child: love God and love each other - period.

Let the writer take up surgery or bricklaying if he is interested in technique.

The best piece of advice that I have ever received is from my mom. And she said, "Do you, boo boo." That is forever going to be the best advice.