The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired.

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

Laughter is the best medicine in the world.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.

Woman magic. A quality that could bring great joy or havoc or both in equal measure.

The hardest thing about being famous? Just working I guess. Just work. The famous part's the luxury.

No one talks about money more than people who have too much of it.

Kids are going to try drugs and alcohol; that's part of society.

Sometimes you watch one of your favorite shows from 20 years ago and you think, 'I'm loving this, but golly, it's going at the speed of a snail.'

I do have a strong sense of God. It's impossible to explain what I mean when I say that, of course.

We have a great dream. It started way back in 1776, and God grant that America will be true to her dream.

I'm definitely a lover, but I fight when I have to - for something or someone.

Only the bold get to the top.

I find to my mixed astonishment that I do dream, but I didn't know it.