The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'

Consistency in right thinking and right doing is how you stay up in a down world.

My feeling about work is that it's an unnecessary evil, so I've always done my best to avoid it.

Self-help courses will only help you if they teach you to pay attention to life itself.

Time flies when you're fulfilling your ambitions in a completely unexpected way.

I get more spam than anyone I know.

The depiction of the exterior as opposed [to] what you're feeling inside is always so different that it's impossible to know what is right.

Playing dress up begins at age 5 and never really ends.

Truthful movements spontaneously attract to themselves all manner of pure and disinterested help.

The wit of a graduate student is like champagne. Canadian champagne.

When I was first published it was like having people rushing in coming to find out where I was hiding. Scary!