The public is gullible. ... If [many satirists are] making the same joke, that's the danger. Then there's a solidifying effect and it becomes a truth.

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

False hope really makes you cynical.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.

Rage and grief are savage companions, but despair is the final undoing.

A mind cluttered with past thoughts, old conversations and unhealed wounds can only serve to drag us down and compromise our ability to live free.

Belief in a cruel God makes a cruel man.

No one wants the truth if it is inconvenient.

How much better a thing it is to be envied than to be pitied.

Because that's what heaven is...it's opening the door of a house in twilight and everyone you love is there.

Google can bring you back 100,000 answers. A librarian can bring you back the right one.

The keyhole is my lens as a writer.

The more emotion I put in to it the harder I rock.

Cuz I was never pretty anyway and never cared anything about that.