The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being skin deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?

Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation.

I was always the last woman on the last down elevator as the store was closing.

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.

Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on.

Some enterprising youth should go from door to door on Christmas morning peddling batteries.

When the grandmothers of today hear the word 'Chippendales,' they don't necessarily think of chairs.

Don’t answer every critic. Sometimes, the answers you give may be right but misconceived and misunderstood.

The first pet I remember was a cat called Baby. She would sleep with me, and I could call her from anywhere, and she would come running.

Your own acts tell the world who you are and what kind of society you think it should be.

I think I'm equally as abusive as the editors normally are for the "Letters and Tomatoes" column, which is the fan mail part of MAD Magazine and an ongoing feature.

In 'Play Misty For Me', its inexplicably assertive knife-woman nearly manages the impossible task of slaughtering Clint Eastwood.

It took great courage to ask a beautiful young woman to marry me. Believe me, it is easier to play the whole Petrushka on the piano.

Once you use a toothbrush to clean a pencil sharpener, you should no longer use it to clean your teeth.

My only regret in the theater is that I could never sit out front and watch me.

Markets and exchanges are merely mechanisms which reflect the temperament of man

I've had well-paid jobs, but in comparison to what footballers earn, I've not earned serious money.