The reason I drink is because when I'm sober I think I'm Eddie Fisher.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

When your opponent's sittin' there holdin' all the aces, there's only one thing to do: kick over the table.

When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine, that's amore.

If this is just the beginning, my life's gonna be beautiful.

I was so drunk last night I fell down and missed the floor.

I don't drink anymore... I freeze it and eat it like a popsicle.

It was a woman who drove me to drink. Come to think of it, I never did hang around to thank her for that. 'Hey lady! Do I look all blurry to you? 'Cause you look blurry to me!'

If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

Milton Berle is an inspiration to every young person that wants to get into show business. Hard work, perseverance, and discipline: all the things you need...when you have no talent.

Somewhere there's a someone for me. Though I may be lonely now, I'll see it through somehow, to somebody's heart I know I hold the key.

If you're a bird... I'm a bird...

Faster is fatal, slower is safe.

The most powerful and strongest part in your body is your 'brain'. It can fetch u anything.. Use it and Use it wisely.

Someone tells me I’ve been touched by Jesus, I remember.”“Not Jesus, ” he said in all seriousness. “The hand of God.

I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep.

Neither my mom nor my dad ever bought me any comic books. Certainly not for Christmas. I suspect that doing so would have violated the Parents' Code.

I literally and truly don't care how many points I score. I get far more satisfaction out of doing the other things that make us winners.

People say 'Poor guy.' That insults me. I despise sympathy. So I screwed up. I made some mistakes. 'Poor guy,' like I'm some victim. There's nothing poor about me.

My songs are like cheap Neil Young copies.

To be the man, you gotta beat the man!