The reason I say I'm a horrible person is I don't want myself to be presented as somebody who's a great Catholic.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

It's hard to say, I picked one of my favorite articles for the MAD vault. Which is one of the features of the Magazine so they don't have to actually pay artists or writers to come up with new stuff.

When we were attacked militarily it was our duty to defend our country.

I was thinking about naming my child Kanye.

If one day I have to leave Barcelona, probably the first thing I will look into is Arsenal

The love between man and woman is the greatest and most complete passion the world will ever see, because it is dual, because it is of two opposing kinds.

I believe in irony. And if V-Day has taught me anything, it's that if you go out with artistic, outrageous irony and humor, people are drawn to it.

You are never so low that you deserve to be lower.

Even when there's pressure and distractions and expectations from others or myself, it's a good thing. It just makes me a better person. It makes me stronger.

I started reading literature at 17 or 18, and I felt this extra beat to life.

It is my belief CAFTA will be beneficial for Alabama and the United States as a whole.