The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington.

In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.

I believe that laughter is a language of God and that we can all live happily ever laughter.

Everybody laughs the same in every language because laughter is a universal connection.

In every country, they make fun of city. In U.S. you make fun of Cleveland. In Russia, we make fun of Cleveland.

In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you!

In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, The Party can always find you!

It's kind of bittersweet. The human spirit is not measured by the size of the act, but by the size of the heart.

I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.

Men and women are immigrants in each other's worlds.

I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the house. And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way she wants to.

The spiritualization of sensuality is called love: it is a great triumph over Christianity.

Growing older is a precious commodity. Only a few can endure to achieve that distinguished distinction and quality.

We must learn to regard people less in light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.

Man has long found solace in good talk to offset bad conduct.

When God puts something in your heart and deep down you know it’s a destiny moment, don’t wait for ten confirmations. Do what God is asking you to do now.

The sanyasa of the Gita will not tolerate complete cessation of activity.

A theologian is born by living, nay dying and being damned, not by thinking, reading, or speculating.

If you hold back on the emotions--if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through them--you can never get to being detached, you're too busy being afraid.

I think it has sullied his presidency. As brilliant a politician as Bill Clinton is, as magnetic a personality as he can be, there is one little screw loose somewhere.

Yet is our deepest desire is truly to live and go on living, why do we blindly insist that death is the end? Why not at least try and explore the possibility that there may be a life after?