The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.

The downward spiral of Dumbness in America is about to hit a new low.

Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

I learned a long time ago that reality was much weirder than anyone's imagination.

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that claim a God and the only thing that behaves like it hasn't got one.

Sleep late, have fun, get wild, drink whisky and drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind but falling in love and not getting arrested.

America... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.

So we shall let the reader answer this question for himself: who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed?

Anything that gets your blood racing is probably worth doing.

Hope rises and dreams flicker and die. Love plans for tomorrow and loneliness thinks of yesterday. Life is beautiful and living is pain.

Survivors and prevailers are those who love themselves above failure and everything else except the abstract and mysterious.

Happiness is doing it rotten your own way.

I don't have a "I want to play this or that," I just don't have that. I've never been like that.

Had I been chosen President again, I am certain I could not have lived another year.

You don't want to go right, if everyone thinks you're going to go right. You go left, on purpose. Sometimes you can't explain why, and you can't explain what left looks like, but you just do it.

Those mad at me, writing emails angrily, Im not anti-America, America is anti-me.

God, find us on our knees because we know that when we get our knees, You extend Your powerful right hand.

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same.

I thought I was a pretty good writer, but I didn't have anything to write about. I wanted to go out in the world, have some adventures and then write about them.

The things you have that money won't buy are the things that will enable you to get more of the things that money will buy.