The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

Success is a way of life with the sense of connection, compassion, and expansion of human life.

Don't be a drag.Just be a queen.

Imperfect though it may be, the Beijing Platform for Action is the strongest statement of consensus on women's equality, empowerment and justice ever produced by governments.

The real question is whether all your pondering and analyses will convince you that life is worth living. That's what it all comes down to.

A man who marries a woman to educate her falls victim to the same fallacy as the woman who marries a man to reform him.

A good portfolio is more than a long list of good stocks and bonds. It is a balanced whole, providing the investor with protections and opportunities with respect to a wide range of contingencies.

Life is a series of random collisions.

In a society of ideological believers, nothing is more ridiculous than the individual who doubts and does not conform.

Unhappy is a nice word.

So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.