The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.

Depression is very real. It'll back you into a dark room, slap you across the face, spit in your eyes, scream in your ears, and punch you in the gut - Until you give in.

This America has been the country of greed rather than the country of need.

The price of metaphor is eternal vigilance.

I grew up in Texas, eating meat five times a day, and I liked meat. But I began being a vegetarian when I was 19 because I found that I felt better.

The thing I am attracted to is just good writing and stories that are based somewhat in reality.

You have to allow for the impossible to be possible.

Persistence is the quality of winners. Successful people never, never give up.

Can reason be an idol? Certainly. The philosophy of rationalism puts human reason in the place of God as the source and standard of all truth.

Let us love, since our heart is made for nothing else.

And suddenly all your troubles melt away, all your worries are gone, and it is for no reason other than the look in your partner's eyes. Yes, sometimes life and love really is that simple.