The rift between culture and pop-culture has never been greater.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

It's just high school, man. Those guys are just high school guys, and in ten years they're going to be working for people like me. I know that. I just have to make it through two more years.

Every word you have ever uttered, is engraved upon my heart.

Nothing is more paralyzing than the idea of limitless possibilities.

There probably aren't a lot of actors my age who tap dance.

Thank God in advance for what's already yours.

Nothing is so clear in history that is it happens for any one thing. It seems that a lot of things come together to make great changes.

Never go to war unless your willing to win.

Generous gestures yield the most when that isn't their purpose.

He who can properly define and divide is to be considered a god.

We shall play every game to the hilt with every ounce of fiber we have in our bodies.