The rules of marriage were simple and easy to follow: faithfulness, patience, compromise. But there were no rules to divorce, or if there were, he had not yet discovered them.

Half the time your kids end up hating you for at least 5 of their teenage years[.] And don't ever expect anything so mundane as a thank you

My wife once said that if men had to worry about who was going to clean up the mess, there'd be a lot less violence in the world.

You're not born with a walk like that. You have to earn it.

You’re not born with a walk like that. You have to earn it.

A kid is what you feed it, plus from that what can be gathered.

My poetry is the highest valuable thing I have to make you smile...

Yeah when you're in the middle of filming this movie [Bad Santa 2] it doesn't matter what you say you can think of some sort of way to twist it into something dirty so we were laughing a lot.

The whole order of things is as outrageous as any miracle which could presume to violate it.

Recovery is an acceptance that your life is in shambles and you have to change it.

As long as there's something original going on, that's all that matters.

I use nothing but homeopathic remedies, for my girls as well.

Literature gives us the great gift of the present moment.

The most challenging project I've ever done, I think, is every single thing I've ever tried to do. It's never easy.

We therefore need to know the gifts given us by God, so that we may use them, for by these we shall be saved.