[The rumor that Leonardo DiCaprio on set was raped by a bear] was as silly as Lady Gaga bumping him or moving his arm out of the way [at the Golden Globes]. People straight be bored.

If you look at any successful skit comedy show, ever, there is that format of introducing you to the player in the beginning, and then going on to see those sketches.

You hold precious what you create for yourself in your life that makes you comfortable.

There's a sketch where we're playing two terrorists in a cave, and my terrorist is very frustrated as to why we haven't flown a plane into a building in 13 years.

I'm racist against non-black people.

I have always, or for the most part, identified myself as a biracial person.

Being a melting pot is what I think is great about being American, and also that we get to do something that other people don't get to do, we get to be a hyphenate. That's a good thing.

You can not have comedy unless people are behaving badly. You can't have it.

The audience loves to figure things out. They love it when a performer leaves a trail of bread crumbs for them, and they get to participate in the comedy.

If I could just get over my issues of wanting people to like me.

I have this little thing that people call Keegan-ese, where I don't speak English words at all. I just say stuff like, "You gotta toish the doish and you gotta maloish the hoish."

Life is never as complex as ego would want you to believe.

It is unnecessary to heighten the glory of day by comparing it with the preceding twilight.

Where's the guy who gave me Twinkies and Coke?

I was labeled a troublemaker, my mom an unfit mother, and I was not welcome anywhere.

I never commit to memory anything that can easily be looked up in a book

I have certain physical features that I favor over others. We all have our areas.

There is nothing we cannot live down, and rise above, and overcome.

Remember that whatever anyone does, it is an effort to meet a need.

I think that I prefer to shoot characters even if they are not good people. I don't think that cinema is a place where you can do sentences like in a court.

In our calling, we have to choose; we must make our fortune either in this world or in the next, there is no middle way.