The saddest day in Pixar history was when some guy said 'get Larry the Cable Guy on the phone.

My wife and I want to try swapping. We want to go to one of those key parties where you put your keys in a bowl. But we just want to upgrade our car.

George Lopez does so much mugging, I'm surprised he's not up on charges.

People are trying so hard to become famous. Johnny Marbles, he tried to throw a pie in Rupert Murdoch's face. What do I gotta do, give Sumner Redstone a wedgie?

You know, civil rights is great and everything, but a lot of people don't realize that plumbers in the South make less money than when they used to install separate drinking fountains.

There's a lot of controversy online, some people say i'm a genius and other say i'm hugely talented.

Jewish people, we don't need the money. We're doctors and lawyers. It's the Christians who can't hold a steady job and have to go on TV and ask for money.

Tracy Morgan apologizes for his homophobic rant, still no apologies for the sketch about the guy living under the street.

I believe conspiracy theories are part of a larger conspiracy to distract us from the real conspiracy. String theory.

Some of my inventions didn't take off. I invented a url lengthener.

My cat's fully capable of speaking, but he says he's afraid of me turning it into a Kevin James vehicle.

Fear and pain can only touch you if you let them.

A little politeness might smooth the way ahead. Knowing it was his turn to be dispatched, the best he could hope for was as swift a death as the one Massetti had so thanklessly received.

It's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be.

On the heights it is warmer than those in the valley imagine.

Boxing is drama on its grandest scale.

If you have to change something about you to be in a part, I don't think it's easy to do. You should just pick the part where you can just be yourself.

We cannot avoid growing old; but we can avoid growing cold.

If a person doesn't have a balance then he cannot achieve his ascent.

I have had fun running all of the Virgin businesses, so I never see a setback as a bad experience; it is just a learning curve.

I know Bret Easton Ellis has said he has some amount of empathy for every character he has written about, though, so maybe I am similar to him in terms of that. I'm not sure what he thinks exactly.