The saddest thing in life is to marry a woman who looks like a cook--and isn't.

Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.

Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration,and inspiration.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a wealthy widow.

The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.

This may be the age of automation, but love is still being made by hand.

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.

Nothing ages your car as much as the sight of your neighbor's new one.

Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.

Sirs, so much as your hearts as is empty of Christ and heaven, let it be filled with shame and sorrow, and not with ease (483).

Never fails. Every new book I write seems impossible, writes like I'm typing from dictation, edits like I didn't write it, and finishes like I couldn't possibly have written it.

Life is the music of your soul

Magic is not something supernatural, but part of the field dynamics of nature.

Meditation is my Medication.

If whites bored me, it was because they bored themselves. They seemed to get little fun out of life and were desperately lonely.

Watching those guys pummel each other so no one would suspect them of being weak was too much for me. Their reputations were more important than their faces.

Billy squinted at me. "Why are you letting them go?" "Because they're real." "How do you know?" "The one I was holding crapped on my hand.

It would just be nice if everybody would be nice.

How can the bird that is born for joy Sit in a cage and sing? How can a child, when fears annoy, But droop his tender wing, And forget his youthful spring?