The scary thing about the future... there will be tiny cameras everywhere, and they'll be flying around like mosquitoes and drones. That will be bad. Drones are scary. You can't reason with a drone.

Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

God often gives nuts to toothless people.

Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well ... all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky starts we don't live in Paraguay!

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.

I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

We've got a bunch of new writers now who tell me they grew up watching The Simpsons. It's bizarre, and they're writing some very funny stuff.

Families are about love overcoming emotional torture.

I want to be like Jesus in my heart.

a spiritual life without prayer is like the gospel without Christ.

My dad is my biggest source of inspiration. He's a lawyer, and when he'd get home, we always sat down and listened to music.

What appear to us to be causal explanations are in fact just stories—descriptions of what happened that tell us little, if anything, about the mechanisms at work.

I grew up with no money. No money. I always struggled and had the sense that there was this other class of people who went to college - this was when I was younger.

I can never tell when something is funny. I just have to do it onstage and find out.

When a society doesn't know what to do with its young, it's in real trouble. When the young don't know what to do with society - at the very least, revolutions start there.

If you're going to spend a long time locked in somebody's basement, take a professor with you.

The derision comes from snobbery, which I think is the worst thing for art and music. I don't think there's any place for it and it comes from insecurity.

We must learn to separate need from greed...We must not allow our yearnings to exceed our earnings.