The second mouse gets the cheese!

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

My toe as a lethal weapon!

He is happiest be he king or peasant who finds peace in his home.

I am always a competitor and my wife and son have never seen me wrestle.

Everyone tried with me. And everytime, it felt like the whole point of life was to see if trying was ever enough.

Of course I knew the work of Roland Kirk and Harry Carney and the specific uses they would make of circular breathing, so I knew it was physically possible.

If you have a boring, insipid, mouse-like life where you're just afraid to be or do anything, then you don't bring much into your next life. You don't bring much power.

How many of us want any of us to see us as we really are?

I guess I just have one of those resting faces that makes me look like I want to beat you up.

The United States is the largest exporter of violence in the world

I can never leave a bookstore without buying a book. I read four or five at a time.