The secret to raising children is to love them... And teach them to operate in a way you can tolerate them the best.

I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them

Yet there are some people - Steve Allen would dissect comedy forever; he's a really funny guy, but he would love talking about comedy. I'm doing it right now and you all seem bored.

I'd like a nice piece of salmon that's not too pink inside and yet isn't too dry or crisp either.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. And if that doesn't work out for you, Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.

My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.

Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I'm going back to bed.

If someone sprays windex in your food it can give you diarrhea. But once you wipe it off your windows, you're fine.

I don't roll like that but I've never been with a hooker either. Yeah, that's good to say in an interview cause I feel bad a little because people grew up watching me and that's a little disturbing.

My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that's how he dealt with my mom.

There is something intimate about playing a duet. It's touching the soul of another person without ever touching the flesh.

Are all firefighters as hot as you?

Where else but in America could the women's liberation movement take off their bras, then go on TV to complain about their lack of support?

The greatest need in the world today is faith in God and courage to do His will.

When there happens to be a weapon of mass destruction suspect site in an area that we occupy and if people have time, they'll look at it.

Do Something. If it works, do more of it. If it doesn't, do something else.

No man need stay the way he is.

This idea of having back-up plans is ingrained into us to make us believe that that's the smart thing to do.

Everywhere we seek the Absolute, and always we find only things.