The shelf life of the modern hardback writer is somewhere between the milk and the yoghurt.

There is always time for failure

To escape jury duty in England, wear a bowler hat and carry a copy of the Daily telegraph.

No brilliance is needed in the law. Nothing but common sense, and relatively clean finger nails.

All the flower children were as alike as a congress of accountants and about as interesting.

Never believe a rumour until you hear it officially denied.

We don't know much about the human conscience, except that it is soluble in alcohol.

The secret of good health and happiness is to have rather small illnesses throughout your life which you can rely on to stop you doing anything you don't want to do.

Hell must be a place where you are only allowed to read what you agree with.

I suppose that writers should, in a way, feel flattered by the censorship laws. They show a primitive fear and dread at the fearful magic of print.

I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth foregoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward.

I am the catalyst of change!

When we are down there, if we are parted, come and find me again, " said Keedra.

They say the world has always struggled with injustice and always will. But change is more possible than ever before.

Both now and for always, I intend to hold fast to my belief in the hidden strength of the human spirit.

Pigeons are gentle and smart and have complex social relationships. Their hearing and vision are both excellent.

Optimism can be relearnt.

Every day I am inspired by what's possible.

Why won't you drown?" he wailed, pummeling me with his fists. "I'm Poseidon's son," I said. "Curse that upstart! I was here first!

I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!

Learn to dance, so when you get to heaven the angels know what to do with you.