The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

It is always better to look at the bright side of life.

The human spirit lives on creativity and dies in conformity and routine.

I don't necessarily agree with everything that I say.

In the time we have it is surely our duty to do all the good we can to all the people we can in all the ways we can.

And what we've lost sight of is that performing manual labor with your hands is one of the most incredibly satisfying and positive things you can do.

Let's absurdify life, from east to west. Let us play hide-and-seek with our consciousness of living.

I don't have the hard everyday life that so many working mothers face.

As he left to answer the call, she heard him exclaiming in wonderment on the rise. "Rocks, Nash. Is that a river mare out there? Do you see her? Have you ever laid eyes on a more gorgeous creature?

If you can't excite people about wildlife, how can you convince them to love, cherish, and protect our wildlife and the environment they live in?

There are 2 rules in extreme snowriding: First, always follow your heart; second, never cry when it hurts.