The skinnification of America's jeanscape has gone too far.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

I have a disease

You stand for what is right, without the expectation of gratitude or reward.

I must be thankful that I get to do intense dramatic roles, because it takes so much more, whereas I've been doing L'Oreal forever, and I can do that in my sleep.

The first pale blossom of the unripened year.

As we benefit from the inventions of others, we should be glad to share our own ... freely and gladly.

I have developed a unique way of looking at the relationship of the human body to health and disease.

I sat me down to watch upon a bank With ivy canopied and interwove With flaunting honeysuckle.

A ready person never needs to get ready.

I don't have space to enter into the examples or the history of this, so I'm left with having to make the bold statement that culture is extinct.