The sky is so clear today you can see all the way to Missouri.

The new Haitian baseball can't weigh more than four ounces or less than five.

Winfield goes back to the wall. He hits his head on the wall and it rolls off! It's rolling all the way back to second base! This is a terrible thing for the Padres!

Sometimes big trees grow out of acorns - I think I heard that from a squirrel.

Hats off to drug abusers everywhere.

Those amateur umpires are certainly flexing their fangs tonight.

He slides into second with a stand-up double.

And Kansas City is at Chicago tonight, or is it Chicago at Kansas City? Well, no matter as Kansas City leads in the eighth 4 to 4.

Hector Torrez, how can you communicate with Enzo Hernandez when he speaks Spanish and you speak Mexican?

There is someone warming up in the Giants' bullpen, but he's obscured by his number.

Ozzie Smith just made another play that I've never seen anyone else make before, and I've seen him make it more often than anyone else ever has.

Sandwich every bit of criticism between two heavy layers of praise.

Terri and her mother arrived. She was obviously a dedicated stage mother because she was loaded down with camera equipment, looking like a Japanese tourist.

Some major churches overemphasize the importance of preaching as a means to increase membership and fail to reach out with compassion to their neighbors in need.

I don’t want to say I’ll be back at the top of my game because everybody’s gonna think I’m crazy and it’s the old player not letting go sort of thing, but that’s what it’s gonna be.

I thought I was having an existential crisis, but it was nothing. Please don't tailgate: body in trunk.

Those whose approval you seek most give you the least.

To think in terms of either pessimism or optimism oversimplifies the truth. The problem is to see reality as it is.

In every society some men are born to rule, and some to advise.

I urgently advise hospitals: Do not make the DVD available to your patients; there may be an outbreak of bedpans thrown at TV screens.

Early on, it's good to develop the ability to write. Learning to write is a useful exercise, even if what you're writing about is not that relevant.