The slime that accumulates on the underside of a soap bar when it sits in the dish too long.

Women say they want a man who knows what a woman's worth. That's a pimp.

When you go to work, if your name is on the building, you're rich. If your name is on your desk, you're middle class. And if your name is on your shirt, you're poor.

The peculiar habit, when searching for a snack, of constantly returning to the refrigerator in hopes that something new will have materialized.

The part of the envelope that tells a person where to place the stamp when they can't quite figure it out for themselves.

Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank even when you are the only person in line.

As an American, I'd like to apologize - for everything.

The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

In Montana, a policeman will pull you over because he is lonely.

FOOVIEW (foo' view) n. The ability of a dog to inflict guilt from any angle in the room while he watches his master eat.

Manhandling the open here spout on a milk carton so badly that one has to resort to using the illegal side.

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

Your skull encloses your brains. But never forget that anytime you open your mouth to talk, you have opened your mind for the entire world to see what is hidden in there!

The one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we're not worthy of connection.

If you believe in the Lord, He will do half the work - but the last half. He helps those who help themselves.

Want to become a champion? Then build your successes on a solid foundation of failure!

Hongry rooster don't cackle w'en he fine a wum.

We don't go anywhere. Going somewhere is for squares. We just go!

The future looks a bit bleak to me.

This could but have happened once,- And we missed it, lost it forever.

Desire attained is not desire, But as the cinders of the fire.