The sofa is the enemy of productivity.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

In army they say "Shoot to Kill" and in Sales "Pitch to Sell".

There are obviously legal restrictions on what you can do on TV in the States, as there are everywhere.

Though it is a team game by definition, it is actually a series of loosely connected individual efforts.

Fear and self-doubt have always been the greatest enemies of human potential.

Judgment consists not in seeing through deceptions and evil intentions, but in being able to awaken the decency dormant in every person.

There's absolutely no way that something I do on my own is going to be seen in Malaysia.

When you’re sitting in a dark room, you can either sit and curse the darkness—or you can light a candle.

Life is a full-contact sport, and there's a score up on the board.

Any man who will cheat for you will cheat against you.

The cup has to be left clean and empty for the divine liquor to be poured into it.