The soul is never perfectly secure from the influence of passion; the occasional tranquility she seems to enjoy, is rather relaxation than imperturbable triumph.

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

Live the moment. Cherish the present. Anticipate the future. Frame the yesteryear

I applied for the University of Life. Didn't get the grades.

I contemplate the impossible and achieve madness. This is my blessing. This is my curse. My heaven, my hell.

Drosselmeier had unwittingly exposed himself to an overdose of reality, and it had destroyed his reason.

Let every act be just, and proper, and beneficial.

A little sturdiness when superiors are much in the wrong sometimes occasions consideration. And there is truth in the old saying that if you make yourself a sheep, the wolves will eat you.

If you see anyone from about sixteen to sixty-five and they’re male, shoot ’em. Kill every male you see.

The Kingdom of Heaven is within you.

Few politicians are good at taking the high ground and throwing themselves off it.

The truth is women in the workplace don't have to fight nearly as hard for opportunities, or to dispel stereotypes, as they did before.