The speed of time is one second per second.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Freedom was my daring travel companion on the thrilling ride of life.

Males are simple creatures. If we can’t f**k it, we want to kill it.

People are all crazy... but the craziest are the ones who never allow themselves to be crazy.

There is little less trouble in governing a private family than a whole kingdom.

I have a fond place in my heart for Seattle, so I hope that an NBA team comes back to this great city, this great sports city.

She thought: at this moment, the glass stem between his fingers feels just like the one between mine. We have this much in common.

Gather ye rosebuds, while ye may.

Some Poor grad student pressing on the flanks of a hamster and out comes a doctorate on the other side

We cannot truly love God if we do not love our fellow travelers on this mortal journey.

Are you up to your destiny?