The stars have a strong effect on our daily shopping lives. Hollywood is astrology’s only credible conspiracy.

Alphabet: a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates.

The idealist hopes. The romantic sees doom. The postmodernist sees doom and hopes.

The lampshade on my head is for my bright ideas. I won't be able to convey them until Monday, when my curtain gets out of the dry cleaners.

Pure joy is rare. That’s why for every meal I eat a really bloody steak.

Mom always said I was born to sit in the electric chair, but I'm proving her wrong. I'm going to die on my knees, begging for my life.

I bet there are a lot of women out there who want to sleep with a guy who reads. And being the head of the reading foundation, I’m very well endowed.

I love working with my hands. My writing is rough, my paper bruised with ink stains.

Night clubs are where Americans learn the laws of motion.

Education: learning to find your purpose. Upon finding your purpose: what did I learn?

If all women revealed their age, men would have nothing to hide from each other.

Magic is just potential for creation. It follows no rules and breaks them all

Elasticity is a fundamental principle of perception,

Hearing those words, I instinctively turn to my new keeper, regretting it, because for only the third time in my entire existence, tears are streaming down my cheeks.

They're holding flushes of face cards, and I think we're the pot.

It used to be that people could be painfully boring in private. Facebook changed all that.

I favor a picture which arrives at its destination without the evidence of a trying journey rather than one which shows the marks of battle.

I work pretty much every day. I can't really separate it from life, so I guess the work is my life.

That which parents should take care of... is to distinguish between the wants of fancy, and those of nature.

Nobody is strong 100 percent of the time, or falling apart 100 percent of the time; sometimes you're doing both at once.

History is the arbiter of controversy, the monarch of all she surveys.