The stealth bomber is supposed to be a big deal. It flies in undetected, bombs, then flies away. Hell, I've been doing that all my life.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

This love of theirs, with its reassuring domesticity and its easy silences, its permanence, has yoked Sally directly to the machinery of mortality itself. Now there is a loss beyond imagining.

I've come to the conclusion that a long, personal relationship is next to impossible for me. Ultimately, music is a possessive mistress.

Men are natural warriors, but a woman in battle is truly bloodthirsty

Without aging white males, I doubt the 'New York Times' would survive. How many young people, females, Hispanics and blacks subscribe to the 'New York Times?'

Who hath no more bread then neede, must not keepe a dog.

Nothing is so abject and pathetic as a politician who has lost his job, save only a retired stud-horse.

I don't want people to get confused. I'm not going to be putting out a gospel album.

Mine's [fans] a lot of like weird guys in prison. So I don't need to answer them.

I've always been terrible on regular sitcoms with lots of jokes. I don't know how to tell jokes.

A good leader gets people to follow him because they want to, not because he makes them.