The taxpayers cannot be relied upon to support performing arts such as opera. As a taxpayer, I am forced to admit that I would rather undergo a vasectomy via Weed Whacker than attend an opera.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

The 19th century had chosen only to remember the happy warrior. The 20th century only the blood come gargling. Both are essential to any understanding of Trafalgar.

Life is consciousness.

If one believes, then miracles occur.

Detroit turned out to be heaven, but it also turned out to be hell.

The dictator can be removed in a day, but it can take years to stamp out the lingering remnants of his dictatorship

Digital technology is the solvent leaching the glue out of all of our traditional institutions.

Spirituality is your original face; it is the discovery of your intrinsic nature.

All humans are entrepreneurs not because they should start companies but because the will to create is encoded in human DNA.

Give thanks for sorrow that teaches you pity; for pain that teaches you courage.

It is contrary to the will of God to eat delicate food hastily.