The tendency in comedy is to have a character who's stupid get more stupid, because you're trying to top yourself and not just repeat.

Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

The scary thing about the future... there will be tiny cameras everywhere, and they'll be flying around like mosquitoes and drones. That will be bad. Drones are scary. You can't reason with a drone.

Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

God often gives nuts to toothless people.

Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well ... all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky starts we don't live in Paraguay!

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.

I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

We've got a bunch of new writers now who tell me they grew up watching The Simpsons. It's bizarre, and they're writing some very funny stuff.

What is success? It is being able to go to bed each night with your soul at peace

Freedom is not worth having if it does not connote freedom to err.

Unconditional parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason.

The best practitioners give to their patients the least medicine.

I don't want to play out of another man's bag.

One of the things I noticed when I worked at Vibe was that backstage at a fashion show, they always referred to the black models as "black girls." I thought, "They never say 'white girls.'

In 1983, NASA invited Canada to fly three payload specialists, in part because we had contributed the robotic arm that is used on the shuttle.

When your perspective is preloaded with the Word of God, lies lose their power over your life.

Nature will take precedence over the needs of the modern man.

There are a lot of young, well-educated, artistic people out there that like to be entertained.