The term 'working mother' is redundant.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Eternal purpose can be viewed only through the light of God

Sometimes you cannot clear the past completely. You must live alongside your sorrow.

I've certainly played those leading man or male juvenile roles, where you're not supposed to make people laugh.

God wisheth none should wreck on a strange shelf: To him man's dearer than to himself.

This toast feels raw. Is it safe to eat raw toast?

For a moment this good time would never end You and me Just wasting time I was kissing you You were kissing me love From good day into a moonlight

The biggest problem is that people want to tell the whole story, and they write letters that are way longer than anything I could possibly run.

The bookends of success are starting and finishing. Decisions help us start; discipline helps us finish.

We didn't have time to go tobogganing, because we didn't have the toboggan.

See, the world is full of things more powerful than us. But if you know how to catch a ride, you can go places.