The thing about having a baby is that thereafter you have it.

A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being skin deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?

Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.

The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation.

I was always the last woman on the last down elevator as the store was closing.

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.

Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on.

Some enterprising youth should go from door to door on Christmas morning peddling batteries.

Most of the funeral stuff is going to be done during daylight hours, ” I said. “I’m not even going to be able to attend the burial. Humans get upset when vampires burst into flames right next to them.

Being at the genesis of the creative process is definitely something I want to keep doing. It's just such a great buzz.

I know everything about candy. Would you believe I even know where to find gumballs in the middle of Africa?

In me didst thou exist-and, in my death, see by this image, which is thine own, how utterly thou hast murdered thyself.

Never dwell on the tomorrow; remember, that it's God's and not ours.

Marriage is not a union merely between two creatures - it is a union between two spirits; and the intention of that bond is to perfect the nature of both.

Dwell not on the faults and shortcomings of others; instead, seek clarity about your own.

Dark and stately is the warm, graceful tenderness of the Sarabande

If you want to be happy in life, keep all of your commitments and don't expect other people to keep any of theirs.

Whether I'm making my own record, or playing a guitar part, I want what I do to have an impact.