The time that I would spend revisiting my old Get Your War On strips is more profitably spent Googling myself and reading comments about how people hate my pencil-sharpening business.

Once you use a toothbrush to clean a pencil sharpener, you should no longer use it to clean your teeth.

Just because something makes you smile or laugh ... doesn't mean it's a joke.

I don't even drink Coke. It tastes like robot sweat.

I like to do things that are new, where I feel the sense of discovery.

I wanted to get paid to sharpen pencils originally just because I thought it would be fun.

I felt really conflicted about making money off stuff that's creatively satisfying.

The way you make money is to do something you don't like to do. And that's how you know you're a virtuous person.

Everyone has pencils in their house, no matter how hip and contemporary they are.

It would be amazing to tell my grandchildren, like, 'Yeah, I was paid to sharpen 1,000 pencils.'

The type of pop culture that is honestly very moving and powerful to me is [when artists] do their homework. They make it real.

The humanities should constitute the core of any university worth the name.

Anger can be defeated by controlling our emotions without upsetting the nerves.

Go for it. It will make a great story.

I think making an album is a difficult thing.

The manifestation of poetry in external life is formal perfection. True sentiment grows within, and art must represent internal phenomena externally.

The startings and arrivals of the cars are now the epochs in the village day.

Opportunity lies in the place where the complaints are.

We have fossils... We win!

If I had the use of my body, I would throw it out the window.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.