The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.

The marvelous thing about a joke with a double meaning is that it can only mean one thing.

It's better to make people laugh than cry.

To get a job where the only thing you have to do in your career is to make people laugh-well, its the best job in the world.

I suppose I would like to be remembered as one of the funniest men that people have seen on television.

If I was as rich as Rockefeller I'd be richer than Rockefeller, because I'd do a bit of window cleaning on the side.

The word "Wisdom" was for the people who have high level of inferiority complex and who are battling with some hard times.

Under a night’s skyFilled with a hundred billion starsIs it so crazy to believeOur paths were destined to cross?

May I never, I say, become that abnormal, merciless animal, that deformed monstrosity— a virtuous woman. Anything, Devil, but that.

Almost everybody's here doing the same thing. Who am I to come up with an excuse when there's 64 other players here doing the same thing? 63 others, sorry.

Success is not measured by where you are in life, but the obstacles you've over come

If a man works like a horse for his money, there are a lot of girls anxious to take him down the bridal path.

Obedience completes itself in understanding.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

I believe in myself, and I've always had people behind me who believed in me. With that, you can do anything.

I'm your idol, the highest title, Numero Uno, I'm not a Puerto Rican, but I'm speakin so that you know, And understand, I got the gift of speech, And it's a blessin, so listen to the lesson I preach.