The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open.

I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning.

When archaeologists discover the missing arms of Venus de Milo, they will find she was wearing boxing gloves.

America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one dollar and use it up in two weeks.

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

My only regret in the theater is that I could never sit out front and watch me.

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.

My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments.

We are called to obey Christ. He is the Master of our lives and has washed us in His blood, which cleanses our souls, our minds, and our mouths. The world is watching. What do they see and hear?

Growing up seemed to mean that the only kind of pretending that was still safe was pretending we could do without it.

No matter how much you nourish, the flower blossoms in its own time. Just like people.

As people do better, they start voting like Republicans - unless they have too much education and vote Democratic, which proves there can be too much of a good thing.

The women has her own battlefield with every child she brings into the world she fights a battle for the nation

Being snubbed is not always a bad thing at awards shows because you end up getting a lot of people coming up to you and telling you how great you are.

The tree of life is growing where the spirit never dies, and the bright light of salvation shines in dark and empty skies.

If a character dies, you get to do a big, juicy death scene. But the flip side is you're out of the sequel, which is where the real money is.

All love is probationary, a fact which frightens women and exhilarates men.

There are only so many notes so there must be only so many melodies.