The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.

Any political party that includes the word 'democratic' in its name, isn't.

A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth.

The only difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road is that there are skid marks around the skunk.

Repent or be damned! If you have already repented, please disregard this notice.

Yesterday was the first day of the rest of your life . . . and you messed it up again.

Tell your boss what you really think about him and the truth shall set you free.

Baseball is a game where a curve is an optical illusion, a screwball can be a pitch or a person, stealing is legal and you can spit anywhere you like except in the umpire's eye or on the ball.

No sin is beyond forgiveness.

It smelled of oily flowers, like the worn pillowcases of long-ago lovers.

Your trials equal the power of God that works in you. If your battles are intense, then what God has deposited in you is deep.

The herd instinct among forecasters makes sheep look like independent thinkers.

Thoughts must come naturally, like wild-flowers; they cannot be forced in a hot-bed, even although aided by the leaf-mould of your past.

It is not like every episode [of "Mary and Jane"] people are sitting around getting high.

Weakness of character is the only defect which cannot be amended.

He who knoweth the reader, doeth nothing more for the reader. Another century of readers - and spirit itself will stink.

God is on the side of the heaviest cannon.

As you and I walk the pathway Jesus walked, let us listen for the sound of sandaled feet. Let us reach out for the Carpenter's hand. Then we shall come to know Him.