The truth is, I had always wanted to be a comedian, but I really didn't have that kind of personality, and it's a terrifying thing to say.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

Time should be reproduced and multiplied

Love brightens the beauty of the heart.

Love is the universe. Love is ageless, boundless, bodiless, boundary-less.Love is pure, perfect, precise, and precious.

Seek renewal of mind.

This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes to get a beer.

Conservative forces in the South have a lot of power - almost dynastic - dating back many years.

The pure soul is a beautiful rose, and the Three Divine Persons descend from Heaven to inhale its fragrance.

In believing too much in rationality, our contemporaries have lost something.

Son,' my father said to me, 'someday this will all be yours.

I felt alien my whole life but I didn't feel alien because of my gender. Other people made me aware of my gender.